From the beginning
I have had a great deal of stress about being someone's wife. There is no book, no manual as to how marraige works, each one having it's own nuances, parameters, and journey. What is being a good wife anyway? Is it cooking dinner every night? Is it keeping the house spotless? Is it just a matter of supporting your partner? I would say... Okay, I'm stalling...
I have a cleaning person. There I said it. I know, I know...we don't even have kids and I can't even pick up after my husband and I. I know. I know
She only comes every 3 weeks and I prefer to think of her as the "heavy lifting cleaning lady". I mean I still do all the day to day cleaning and picking up and laundry and such. Except, I don't really, my husband does the laundry and most of the picking up.
Note to self: Become better wife. (Does this qualify as an Oprah "aha" moment?)
Alright, alright. That isn't the point of the post. Or actually it kind of is. I am totally guilty about having this cleaning person. I know I should be doing it...and certainly I could find time on the weekends. My husband thinks it's ridiculous and that we should do it ourselves. Having her makes me feel like I'm failing at cleaning and therefore, failing slightly at being a wife. Surely I should be cleaning my own bathroom. Who do I think I am? Britney Spears? The Queen of England? I bet Martha Stewart finds time to clean her own bathroom with homemade cleaning products.
I don't think I'm the Queen of England, I just think I work really hard all week and some weekends. I know it sounds self indulgent, but those weekends? THEY ARE MINE! I live for those two days, dream about them all week, long for them, count down minutes. So really it would ruin the whole "pining away for the weekend" thing I have going if I knew that all the weekend meant was scrubbing the shower or the stove.
I try to explain to my husband in rational terms. This lady costs $90. She is very reasonable and does it in about 3 hours time. It would take us all day, and just from an economical standpoint: My time is much more valuable than the $90 I am paying, ergo, what the hell are we fighting for? He insists we can do it ourselves...
Honestly, for a kid who wastes money like it was going to be discontinued tomorrow...I would expect more. "Sigh."
So every 3 weeks I remind my husband on the eve of cleaning lady day that tomorrow is, in fact, cleaning lady day. He then sighs loudly (seriously, this whole sighing thing never happened when we were dating, what is with sighing, it's become his new schtick). We do the whole mini recap of the cleaning lady argument and it is all for naught, because she is coming. We have not come to an agreement so much as he has compromised and I get something he doesn't think we need. This is endlessly annoying...the fact that he can't see my side...but whatevs, The Cleaning Lady Comes Tomorrow!
And then he comes home from work and seriously inspects every detail. He will point out every windowsill that still has dust on it, or every stray hair still in the bathroom. This kid who buys $50 leather flip flops that he refuses to wear and refuses to return, is CHEAP with the cleaning lady that he doesn't think we need! Normally, I just ignore him, and let him walk around mumbling to no one in particular...he gets it out of his system and I don't have to deal with it for another 3 weeks.
But yesterday...They forgot to do the kitchen floor and powder room. Oh. My. God. So I call. And the woman could not have been more apologetic. Someone would come over the next day and clean the floor and powder room. So so so sorry.
Is it wrong that every cleaning day, I root for the cleaning lady to win in the fake battle my husband has with her, but is really with me? Is it wrong to be so emotionally invested that I feel like I lost when he finds something like the kitchen floor and claims the "I told you so" victory? Or to secretly smile to myself when all he can find wrong is a stray hair in the bathroom that probably fell out of my head 5 minutes ago?