The first lesson I am going to teach this child is punctuality. When you make an appointment to meet someone, you should be ON TIME! I don't care what your father says, or how late he is to each and every appointment.
BUTTERMAN. THIS IS YOUR MOTHER SPEAKING: YOU COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! NO. NOT IN FIVE MINTUES...NOW! YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!
The due date is a cruel joke that they play on pregnant women. I realize that they tell you it is a rough estimate, but I defy any woman not to hang her hat on that date. I was a happily pregnant (except for the month of July) until September 4th came and went. Now, it is a whole new ball game.
I did my time. I paid in full. I am owed one baby please, and I have come to collect. Let's settle up here already!
Last night at the doctor's office, I asked her to check and see if anything was happening. In retrospect, not knowing would have been better. Nothing. No dialation, no effacement (I don't even know what effaced means, but it didn't seem a positive thing that I hadn't done it). I calmly explained that I was no longer willing to be pregnant, so could you please let me know my options.
Apparently, I am no longer a citizen of AMERICA. Because I have no options. I am a prisoner! They will not induce unless medically necessary for a minimum of a week. AND EVEN THEN they will only induce if your ultrasound shows low amniotic fluid. If your fluid is fine THEY LET YOU GO ALMOST ANOTHER WEEK! Excuse me, but I thought this was a free country...what are we fighting for if not the freedom to induce labor?
To my credit, I explained CALMLY that really wasn't going to work for me. I would like to have the baby on Thursday morning so that I could be home by Saturday morning. That way, I could coordinate the cleaning person (who comes on Thursday afternoon) with the barrage of company I will surely get once I bring home Butterman! The house will look great, my husband won't have much to do at home to prepare for us, and the company can walk on clean floors and use clean bathrooms on the WEEKEND! The timing would be excellent!
That sounds reasonable doesn't it?
Are you sure?
Yeah, they didn't think my explanation was good either.
Well how about this explanation then: I WILL FREAK OUT THE LIKES OF WHICH THIS NATION HAS NOT SEEN. IT WILL BE TRULY NEWSWORTHY. I WANT THIS BABY OUT! YOU TOLD ME SEPTEMBER 4TH, AND I AM HOLDING YOU TO IT. NOW WHERE DO WE STAND ON THAT BABY?
We apparently stood firmly within the bounds of their inducement policy. What good is this law degree if I can't sue someone for this?