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Monday, August 08, 2005

"Hot enough for you?"

So we have no air conditioning, and it is hotter than that Nelly song in our house.

We have been trying to get the landscaping done since the wedding. Yes, we know how hot it is, we are aware of the heat wave...we realize that we could just wait until September. But we are new homeowners, and newly married. We are making all those mistakes that every new homeowner, newlywed makes.

So spare us the "hot enough for you?" as you stroll by on your way into town for an ice cream. Because the answer is "yes, Jackass, it is."

The heat just exacerbates the bigger problem: we have no established roles in our new marraige. We do every household job together. If something needs to be painted, we do it together. A meal to be cooked, we do it together. Cleaning, laundry, LANDSCAPING...all done together. Isn't that sweet? We are such a together couple.

Except if this continues, one of us will be dead within the year. Because inevitably, we have different opinions on how to accomplish these "together" tasks. And this always leads to one of us telling the other how wrong they are doing it. Then the person doing it (justifiably) gets angry. No good can come of this on a 90 degree day when you are working with shovels and pitchforks.

So this is where we found ourselves Saturday. It started out fine, it always does. "I love you honey, I'm so happy we're doing the yard together"; "I love you too baby, thanks for helping me...you're so good to me".

And then the sun feels like it is sitting on your shoulder, and the dirt starts sticking to you because of the sweat coating your body. You start thinking of ways to get back at the crazy old coot that sold you the place...who plants a JUNGLE in their front yard?

And in all of an hour it goes from "look at the cute young couple next door, aren't they working hard today!" to "Jack do you think we should call the police on them for domestic violence?"

He thinks we should hatchet a huge stump. I know it won't work...first, the stump is too big to hatchet, and second THAT IS STUPID. And so I calmly explain that the hatchet idea is the dumbest thing I have ever heard and suggest that we leave the stumps there...you can't win them all.

He tells me not to call him stupid. Then argues with me that we can hatchet the stump so it is under the ground and no one will see it. I then say that if I am not allowed to call him stupid, then I have no response options available to me. He says He would like to hatchet me, I reply that I would like to ram the shovel up his...well you see where this is going.

We are both covered in dirt, sweating, and angry. I can't speak for him, but I am seriously still weighing my options regarding the shovel and where I could put it. So we take a minute to cool off (purely in the figurative sense). I am going in to get a drink of water.

"do you want one?" "yeah, get me a water too"...and then I go inside and get him a half water with half apple juice, because I am the only person who knows that is what he means when he says "water". And he says "thanks baby" and I feel like a good wife. So we have a good laugh at our argument, and I say sorry first because it's my turn to, and we are back to being the cute young couple next door.

until 45 minutes later when he cuts down the hydrangea I wanted to keep...and the dance starts up again...

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