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Friday, September 16, 2005

On a Scale of 1 to 10

I am feeling really down today because I spent the morning nagging and complaining to my husband. Some might say "bitching" is the correct word. About what? It would be easier to name things I am not bitching about to him. So I am torn between being sorry about bitching and being genuinely pissed off because he caused all these problems (albeit unwittingly).

First, the aforementioned "fringe festival" is tonight. We decided to go after getting in a big fight about it. I think it is too raunchy and they talk about sexual things in public which I have no sense of humor about (I am a good Catholic after all, and we like to keep our sexual deviances covered up for at least 18 years or until the statute of limitations is over). My husband wants to go because it is a night out in the city with our friends (I will get back to the status of these so-called 'friends') and truth be told, although he has never said anything, I think as much as he loves the new house and married suburban life, he still misses the single city life. He is like the male version of Carrie Bradshaw on occassion.

Now, despite the fact that the fringe is not my scene, I acquieced to my new husband because I am an idiot...I mean...because I love him. Besides, the fight mostly revolved around my not wanting to see a particular show...the aforementioned Spank Monkey Show pictured in a previous post. So the battle of wills ended with the understanding that I did not want to see anything vulgar, and the determination that because I was not into it, he would make the plans with the other two couples we were going with. I think my exact words were "do whatever you want, I just don't want to see anyone spanking their monkey, just try and pick something a little less deviant." (I know what you are thinking, my husband is a crazed HOOTERS loving sexual deviant, but I am telling you the kid is like milque-toast)

So tonight I am seeing the spank monkey show. Is it me? Was I not clear enough?

The thing is, I am not surprised at this. No, my husband was not callous to my feelings. He wasn't being an insensitive jerk, quite the opposite. He was trying to be nice. Here is how it all went down:

Couple #1 fancies themselves hip and cool and alternative. Fringe was their idea, a kind of "look how cool we are". Wife #1 is difficult to deal with to say the least. She is blunt (which is code for rude) and she is rarely sensitive to others feelings and/or wants. She is the woman who tells you everything you are doing wrong with your kid and explains to you why her way is the best way. I think everyone knows a wife #1.

Couple #2 is normal. I mean, as normal as any of us are. I am sure I could think of something weird about them...but I digress. Anyway, Couple #2 can't stand wife #1. There is a history wherein wife #1 has made some very insensitive and downright mean comments to wife #2. So the tension is sometimes palpable between them, and makes me awkward. But again, I digress...

So Wife #1 calls and invites everyone to Fringe, and says what shows she wants to see. Couple #2 bag the spank monkey show and say they don't want to see it, but will meet up with everyone after for a second show. There was talk of trying to pick another show, but wife #1 was being difficult so in the end, couple #2 didn't want to deal with it so they just canned the first show altogether.

Enter us. This is the order of happenings: We get into our huge fight, call couple #2 and find out they bagged out entirely on the first show because of wife #1 being difficult, fight some more, then I acquiece and leave my husband to deal with the plans.

My husband then apparently calls wife #1 and tells her we don't want to see the spank monkey show. She tells us to try and pick another show (which we know is just a pretense, because she won't agree to anything we want anyway). My husband calls back the next day and speaks to Husband #1 who trys to talk him into the spank monkey show which we have already said we didn't want to see. My husband, who is nice to a fault and is always willing to avoid controversy and accomodate wherever he can, says "Listen, we're in for the 8 pm show, we prefere one of these two shows (naming two less offensive shows) but if you really want to see spank monkey..."

And that is why on a scale of 1-10, I am at a 10 in anger with these people. Normal, nice people would have simply chosen another show. Not these two...wife #1 is so god damn selfish that if you give her any room, she will always try for what she wants no matter at whose expense it comes. Now, not only do I not want to see the freakin show, I will be pissed off immeasurably that I even have to be around wife #1. (I am starting to see wife #2's position a little more clearly).

My husband knows that this hasn't worked out in my best interests. He is aware that his accomodation of others sometimes comes at my expense, and he feels bad about it. But God help him, it is just who he is and he can't fight it. So he made reservations at a new Mexican place that opened in the city (very swank) and is taking me before we meet up with everyone. Just the two of us. Slick of him...very slick...But a bribe nonetheless. You can dress a whore up, but she'll still sweat in church. (I don't really know what I mean by that?)

Which leads me to this morning. The entire Fringe thing had just gone down last night, I was feeling extremely sick for some reason, and now a weird sound in the car was back after just picking it up (FOR THE THIRD TIME) from the mechanic. I just lost it and started in on him. So here I am bitching at him non stop for about 5 minutes as we drive to work and I stopped for a second to look at him.

That kid had the most pathetic look on his face. And I stopped bitching because really, all he wanted was a fun night out in the city with his friends, a nice dinner with his new wife, and to get to work on time this morning.

I am sorry Chick. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and not as much as I will love you tomorrow. Sorry...I'm just CRANKY...I'll be good tonight, I promise.


*and this is exactly the train of thought every person who has ever been mad at my husband has had. He is like Bill Clinton, too nice to stay mad at...therein lies the maddening dilemma.

8 Comments:

Blogger Rob said...

Bitchiness has a certain charm. It may do your husband good to be roughed up from time to time. You don't have to be a perfect wife!

11:27 AM  
Blogger undercover celebrity said...

I am so relieved to learn that other couples argue about the same types of things. I'm pretty sure that Mark and I have had similar arguments.

...now I have to go back and read former posts to find out what this spank monkey show is all about. It hardly sounds legal. :)

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