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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Silence of the Lambs

I avoid going down into our basement at all costs. It is dark and damp down there and generally very "Silence of the Lambs." I swear one time I was down there and I heard someone say "it rubs the lotion..."

Our laundry is in said basement. My husband (for a myriad of reasons, the least of which is my irrational fear of the basement) does the laundry. Last night he went down there to switch the loads and after several minutes of loud banging and crashes, I called down to him.

Me: HUSBAND............WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?

Him: (silence, banging stops, no response).

Another woman would likely have become worried and gotten up out of her Pottery Barn leather club chair, muted American Idol, and ventured down into the basement to see if he was okay. I just shrugged and unmuted the TV as the banging resumed.

How could I be so callous, some would ask. Those people would be idiots. My husband was fine. He just hates when I yell inside the house. According to my husband, every time I have even the slightest thing to say to him (such as "are you okay?) I should walk up 2 or 3 flights of stairs and politely inquire in person. So when I yell, he simply refuses to respond. Yes, Yes...I know it is extremely annoying.

So when he comes upstairs:

Me: Don't ignore me, it's rude

Him: It's rude to yell

Me: There are going to be times when I yell

Him: Then there are going to be times when I don't respond

Me: Unacceptable

Him: I agree

Me: (explode into a ball of firey frustration and need to control murderous impulses)

Now, no one is saying it isn't rude to carry on a conversation yelling between rooms. OF COURSE I KNOW THAT IS RUDE! That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about simply calling out to someone in another part of the house for a quick one sentence exchange. Does he not understand this? THE FRUSTRATION!

Me: We will have to agree to disagree.

Him: It seems so

Me: I will call you until you answer

Him: I think you underestimate the bounds of my silence

Me: I think you underestimate my ability to yell

Him: Human Kind could not begin to estimate the bounds of your vocal ability. It is scientifically impossible to measure.

10 Comments:

Blogger This Girl I Used to Know said...

How about starting to yell things from the other room like...

"I'm naked, if you're here in the next 15 seconds, you can get some of this!"

See if he thinks that is rude :)

1:16 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

That is so funny. I agree with you on the fact that he could just say "I'm fine" and leave it at that. Crisis averted. My husband, on the other hand, tries to have full-on conversations with me from another room. Typically this happens when the kids are asleep. I refuse to talk to him because I know the yelling will wake the kids. Or he'll try to talk to me while he's washing dishes or making a smoothie and the blender is running loud. Can't he just wait until he's done. Oh, the frustration!

2:20 PM  
Blogger Newlywife said...

This Girl,

Good idea. I am going to try it!

Carolyn,

Exactly my point! Just say that you're okay and avert the entire problem. How hard is that?

3:01 PM  
Blogger shannon said...

Hee, my hubs is the same way. We used to have these snazzy phones that had an intercom feature. I would buzz him. Bzz, dinner is ready, what are you doing? Bzz, I'm having a feeling. Want to talk about it with me? Etc. Good times.

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL you two are too funny! I hate yelling as well, but I can understand the need from time to time to simply give a shout for a quick answer. Good luck with your shouting/silence match!

-Amy

12:56 PM  
Blogger undercover celebrity said...

When we were little, my sister was notoriously clumsy. Very often crashing and banging could be heard from the other room. It just got to the point that my mom didn't even have to call out to inquire as to her wellbeing. After the noise pollution had subsided, Shari would just cry out, "I'm ok". It was really pretty funny. But maybe husband could jump on that train. You know, just so you know not to worry. ;)

4:15 PM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Oh my god, that is my husband & I to a T !

12:29 PM  
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