I Stand Corrected

Does the "M" stand for marraige or mcdonalds? You decide.

So that last post? Yeah, I would like to qualify that. No sooner had I posted that than my husband got all crank ass on me and flipped out.

Now that I have been married for 8 months, I feel that I should offer my sage advice to all married women. Because, you know, I have clearly got it all together:

When you are starving, and you have a craving for Chicken McNuggets, and you tell your husband that you are starving and really feel like Chicken McNuggets...and he tells you that he will go get them for you in a way that suggests he would rather stick a pen in his eye...

don't feel guilty and play coy and say "Oh, its okay, you don't have to go if you don't want to." Only to keep mentioning that you really feel like the McNuggets, because you are waiting for him to either say "Yes, I will go get them" or "No, I will not go get them" thereby making a god damn decision...Until finally, he tells you what you are waiting for and makes a decision and says "I will go". And you think, he will go! Great! And you repeat how starving you are.

Only he doesn't listen, because instead of going, he gets on the computer and surfs the damn internet for 45 MINUTES! And FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER, when he finally strolls downstairs and you have already eaten your own hand because you are so hungry, you say "Forget it, don't go. I'm starving and by the time you get back, it will be 9:00" and everyone knows you can't eat Chicken McNuggets at 9:00 at night, because well...JESUS, the size of your ass has to have some boundaries...

Don't do that. Because he will, to your horror and amazement, GET MAD AT YOU and accuse you of not being clear about what you wanted. He will try and argue that he didn't know you wanted the McNuggets, OR that you were starving OR that you wanted him to go get them for you. HE WILL TRY AND SAY THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CLEAR WHEN YOU SAID "I REALLY FEEL LIKE MCNUGGETS AND I'M STARVING" because he will try and tell you he had no idea what you wanted...because it is you, not him, that is at fault for being so vague in the first place.

So ladies, when you tell your husbands that you want McNuggets, and he tells you he will get them for you, but you know he doesn't really want to...don't try and be nice and wait for him to make a decision about going, just say: I WOULD LIKE A SIX PIECE AND A SMALL FRY AND A DIET COKE, AND COULD YOU GO RIGHT THIS SECOND BEFORE I EAT MY OWN ARM BECAUSE I AM SO HUNGRY? THANKS HONEY."

I pray that women everywhere will hear this advice so that they may never have to experience the pains of hunger that I endured that night. Also, I hope that women everywhere will come to realize that as soon as you shout your love for your husband from the rooftops, Karma will knock on your front door, and when you answer will kick you in the ass.

So that last post? Yeah, consider it qualified.