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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

D Day

The first lesson I am going to teach this child is punctuality. When you make an appointment to meet someone, you should be ON TIME! I don't care what your father says, or how late he is to each and every appointment.

BUTTERMAN. THIS IS YOUR MOTHER SPEAKING: YOU COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! NO. NOT IN FIVE MINTUES...NOW! YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!

The due date is a cruel joke that they play on pregnant women. I realize that they tell you it is a rough estimate, but I defy any woman not to hang her hat on that date. I was a happily pregnant (except for the month of July) until September 4th came and went. Now, it is a whole new ball game.

I did my time. I paid in full. I am owed one baby please, and I have come to collect. Let's settle up here already!

Last night at the doctor's office, I asked her to check and see if anything was happening. In retrospect, not knowing would have been better. Nothing. No dialation, no effacement (I don't even know what effaced means, but it didn't seem a positive thing that I hadn't done it). I calmly explained that I was no longer willing to be pregnant, so could you please let me know my options.

Apparently, I am no longer a citizen of AMERICA. Because I have no options. I am a prisoner! They will not induce unless medically necessary for a minimum of a week. AND EVEN THEN they will only induce if your ultrasound shows low amniotic fluid. If your fluid is fine THEY LET YOU GO ALMOST ANOTHER WEEK! Excuse me, but I thought this was a free country...what are we fighting for if not the freedom to induce labor?

To my credit, I explained CALMLY that really wasn't going to work for me. I would like to have the baby on Thursday morning so that I could be home by Saturday morning. That way, I could coordinate the cleaning person (who comes on Thursday afternoon) with the barrage of company I will surely get once I bring home Butterman! The house will look great, my husband won't have much to do at home to prepare for us, and the company can walk on clean floors and use clean bathrooms on the WEEKEND! The timing would be excellent!

That sounds reasonable doesn't it?

No?

Are you sure?

Yeah, they didn't think my explanation was good either.

Well how about this explanation then: I WILL FREAK OUT THE LIKES OF WHICH THIS NATION HAS NOT SEEN. IT WILL BE TRULY NEWSWORTHY. I WANT THIS BABY OUT! YOU TOLD ME SEPTEMBER 4TH, AND I AM HOLDING YOU TO IT. NOW WHERE DO WE STAND ON THAT BABY?

We apparently stood firmly within the bounds of their inducement policy. What good is this law degree if I can't sue someone for this?

10 Comments:

Blogger Jules said...

I feel bad for you. They let me go two weeks and two days past my due date before inducing for my first baby. Luckily, my second came right on time! Don't worry, you'll make it!

10:53 AM  
Blogger undercover celebrity said...

Ok, am I the only one who thought your clean-house coordination was CLEARLY reason enough? I, for one, applaud the fact that you still have your wits about you enough to care that your house is clean for guests.

Frankly, it makes me want to come for a stay. :)

Perhaps this is something that should not be said to a nine months and two day pregnant woman, but it is a wee bit amusing that you've gone from the whimsical, "I love being pregnant" to "get this damn kid out of me" :)

He'll come soon enough. And he'll be perfection because he get to stew a few extra days :)

11:45 AM  
Blogger Jules said...

Oh, and walking! I know that's probably the LAST thing you want to do, but everyone swears it works. Good luck!

1:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, women who have to have c-sections get to schedule their births. I think that might be discrimation. It always felt like discrimation to me...sitting around waiting for the baby to decide. The BABY doesn't have all the pertinant information!!! :)

I remember begging the doctor to induce when my twins were born. She finally promised me (on a Friday) that if they didn't come by Monday, she'd induce....and they came the next morning.

You know....labor CAN be induced by having, um, marital relations. Tell hubby it's his last shot for six weeks, and see what happens. LOL

Good luck!!!

katie

2:15 PM  
Blogger krystyn said...

Oh my - sorry about the wait but they do say "good things come to those who wait"...does that help at all? Nope, probably not in this case huh?

Well, hang in there. I'm sure I'll be facing the same fate come February 5, 2008. Argh!

2:22 PM  
Blogger Pixiepurls said...

every doc is different I guess! I'm getting induce TOMMOROW NIGHT!! AHH! I'll be 5 days overdue at that point or well on friday when the real deal happens. I'm not sure what "medical" reason my doc has except that baby is high and cervix and shut tight like a damn drum.

OH and as for the reccomendation to get jiggy with your husband, in order for it to work 2 things have to happen lol... one involves you being "happy" and the other involves umm... well ya know, don't stop till your FINISHED lol... look it up though if your interested, but a lady on discovery health channel said you had to have those 2 things for it to work!

5:36 PM  
Blogger Sarah Louise said...

I'm sure this isn't helpful, but you are very funny when you get mad.

Babies are raining ovah heah, so I'm sure yours will come too.

5:52 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I felt EXACTLY the same way. I went 5 days past and then they just started discussing inducing and I let LM have it in there. I went for a VERY LONG WALK (well, two blocks with a baby hanging between my knees) and then I ate a huge dinner (cheeseburger, fries and cherry pie a la mode) and voila! baby decided it was too full in there and he must come out!!

I highly recommend my personal inducing methods!!

I know this is the tough part. Hang in there. Babe will come soon and you will have moments where you will wish him (her) back in!

7:57 PM  
Blogger Cricket said...

Okay, you plug her nose, I'll blow into her mouth and 'pop!' that baby will just come right out.

8:45 PM  
Blogger No Celery Please said...

Times sure have changed.

when my mom had me, they induced her a week early just because the doctor wanted to go on vacation.

Of course, they also knocked her unconscious for the birth...

12:40 PM  

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