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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Last Christmas

Last Christmas, you gave me the greatest gift I ever got. Last Christmas, we found out that we were expecting a baby. And that news changed our lives together forever. It was a path we had always been headed toward, but actually travelling it with you was one of the happiest times in my life.

Some women say they love being pregnant. Some hate it. I fall into the former category. To be sure, I had an easy pregnancy, but I loved being pregnant because for those nine months, we had never been so much in love. Each time you looked at me, it was as if I was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. Your unadulterated happiness at the fact that I was giving you a baby filled me up each and every time we looked at eachother. I have never felt more special in my life and I don't know if it was Buddha growing inside me, or the way you looked at me. I think it was a little bit of both.

So for those nine months, you never let me forget that I was performing a miracle. Each and every day you would touch my belly, or hug me tight, or stroke my head; making that entire nine months a magical time for both of us. And I am sure that after living a lifetime together raising our children, finishing our careers, when the dust settles and it just the two of us looking back on our amazing journey together, that first pregnancy will have been the happiest year of my life with you. I am sure we will have other, happier times that involve the children or eachother, but for nine months in 2007 we were in the unique position of being on the verge of change, strattling a divide between our old lives and this new life. In a sort of long lasting moment where everything that came before had led to and prepared us for what was to come but hadn't yet. It was nine months of just being in love and creating our own miracle.

And if the way you looked at me for those nine months was heart bursting, the way you look at her changes my life in and of itself. Your infatuation and love for our daughter literally swells my heart so that I feel it beating in my chest when I watch the two of you together. And watching you with her or looking at her and seeing you in her, looking back at me, is something I can't describe in words. It is in those moments that I know I have figured out the meaning of my life.

I watched you run around this past week, getting ready for Christmas. Doing your 'secret' shopping for me and the baby. I know this first Christmas with her will be incredible and fun and one to be treasured. It will no doubt be one of the many memories that will make me smile when we are old and gray and I will not forget it, ever.

But whatever it is that you are buying us, won't ever be as good as what you gave me last year. That gift is one I open up each and every morning all over again. Last Christmas, you changed my world. And it was Last Christmas' gift that makes life so sweet. It was last Christmas that we started what we were meant to do, the beginning of our family, the center of my heart.

Last Christmas, you gave me the gift of all the Christmases to come. You gave her to me.

And they don't sell that at the Gap.

I love you, I love us.




Blogger Amy said...

Merry Christmas Newly and Mr. Newly and Katie!!!

3:47 PM  
Blogger Fine For Now said...

Simply, beautiful!

9:38 AM  
Blogger Wifey Wilder said...

I just read your entire blog in less than 24 hours. I just got married a little over a month ago and can I just say how wonderful it was to read your good times and bad? Makes me feel better about figuring out this whole "newlywifed" thing. :-)

11:50 PM  
Anonymous CresceNet said...

Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é . Um abraço.

10:25 PM  
Blogger mamatutwo said...

How very sweet. :) Isn't it amazing the transformation that you see in yourself after your little miracle arrives? We have three, and each has been such a blessing. I do remember that enormous change, though from being just the two of us to the two of us and our child...a whole family! Everything looked completely different from that point on. Have a great 2008!

11:00 PM  
Blogger Katrina said...

What an amazing post. I've got tears in my eyes. You expressed it perfectly, perfectly.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

So cute. I'm glad you had an amazing Christmas!

6:59 PM  
Blogger Gervy said...

Such a beautiful post. I've been married for a year and we are hoping to get pregnant sometime later this year. The closer we get to D-day, the more scared and not ready I feel - but this post reassures me!

4:41 PM  

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