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Monday, June 30, 2008

Who AM I?

Day one of stay at home "mom-dom". We went on a walk for an hour, and I vacuumed the downstairs and did all the dishes. Now she's napping.

Ummmm...I know I should be thankful for this time, and that I should soak her up like crazy...but....ummmmm....

Seriously, who am I anymore? I feel likeI have no identity without working. I feel guilty for not bringingin any money, and so think maybe I should be cleaning the entire house, doing all the errands, tuning up the car. How do I earn my keep around here?

Does anyone else feel this way? I know I shouldn't, my husband certainly doesn't feel that way about my new role. But still....

Is this going to get easier? Am I going to figure out my place in this family now that I'm not bringing home the bacon? OH GOD, am I going to have to COOK the bacon my husband brings home? Because I am half Jewish, and I really don't think I could stomach cooking bacon.

The smell alone. Eeeewwww, God. I hate bacon. Wait. What the hell was I even talking about? Oh yes, being a stay at home mom. I can see this will be a tough transition. What I am most nervous about is being so preoccupied with worrying about not getting another job, that I don't enjoy the time off I do have with her.

Well, that and housekeeping. I have a total fear and revulsion to housekeeping.


Blogger Fine For Now said...

From someone who doesn't have a kid yet, I still think you are doing the right thing, and it is perfectly normal to feel like you SHOULD be doing something productive. But really you are by providing that precious baby with what she really needs: time, love and attention :)

Have fun!

1:09 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

I can completely relate. Here's my story in a nutshell. I started a business (bookstore/bar. yes we do sell beer and hard liquor at our bookstore. It really goes together) knowing that I wanted to be a sahm one day. So things go according to plan, biz goes well enough that I can more or less quit and be sahm, but what i didnt account for was just how HARD it is to be one. It was such a pyschological battle, for all those things you mentioned, how do I justify not bringing home money? But then at the same time I know that a person's worth isn't the $ they make, but I couldnt really feel it. And like you I thought, well if Im a sahm then I have to cook and clean and well, I absolutely HATE both. So then I would feel like a failure everyday because no matter how many times I would try to make myself cook and clean, well I didnt do it, or not very much of it. So finally I realized I'm a much better person when I work part-time. So I go to my store and work there 5 hours a day, 4-5 times a week. It's really nice because when Im at work I can give my all without feeling guilty for not being with the kids and when Im at home I can feel good about being there bc Ive already done my productive time. But it took me over a year of mental battling, "what's wrong with me, why am I putting a monetary value on me? etc etc" so I know completely where you're coming from.

3:06 PM  
Blogger krystyn said...

I felt exactly the same way - heck I never cooked before and I even started cooking dinner and having it ready when he got home...I've eased up on that though. I also do the cleaning, even make the bed daily but I've also eased up on that - it's been 5-6 wks now that I've been @ home. I've also gotten a bit bored because there are NO mommy groups here and there is nothing to do in this pathetic city...probably shouldnt even be referred to as a city.

But yes, enjoy your time off. I worried the first 1-2 wks but now I'm in full enjoyment will come.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Katrina said...

I definitely feel this post. I've been a stay-at-home mom since my oldest was born, nine plus years ago. Now that my youngest is starting kindergarten in the fall, I'm reentering the work force (part-time, so I'll still be home when they are). It'll be a big adjustment. Every so often over the past few years, I've had a go round with the guilt of not "contributing" to the household with a paycheck like most of my friends are doing. Every time, my husband has talked me off the ledge by reminding me of how precious our family is, how much we actually like our kids and how they're turning out, and how much what I do in our home and for our kids is actually worth. And no, I'm not an immaculate housekeeper or a great cook (sandwiches, anyone?) But as Paul says, I keep the home fires burning and set the tone for our life together as a family. No small thing, that.

I don't think staying at home is for everyone, just like juggling work and family isn't for everyone. But whichever path you choose, you will definitely be making a positive difference for your family, paycheck or not.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

You know, I had the opposite reaction. I was a stay at home mom who then had to go to work (um, divorce = I have to get a job!) I had a really hard time figuring out who I was NOT being at home. I still swear my kid is public school AND home-schooled!!

Enjoy the time. Your obligations do not include housework, or dishes or laundry. Your role is as mother and wife and your career has little to do with either of those. Enjoy the time. Enjoy doing those things during the day that frees up your evenings to be a family. Relax. Exhale and savor.

4:24 PM  
Blogger KidKate said...

My advice is to develop a routine. It will take a couple of weeks but once you do, your head will stop spinning. It will just be like any day at work: first you do this, then that, then lunch, etc... Also, try to stay up on news, politics, reading, whatever interests you, so you don't feel like your mind is going to complete mush!

We have a housecleaner come every other week (wish she came every week). I pick up after myself and the baby every day but that's about it--I don't clean or cook (unless it's a special treat). He still does his own laundry. I consider myself more on a break than a permanent SAHM, so I guess I can justify it to myself, LOL.

The money thing is weird--VERY weird (we had separate checking accounts till after the baby was born!)--but we just try to keep the lines of communication open.

Good luck--you're going to love it!

8:44 PM  
Blogger Marcy said...

You are raising, nurturing, caring for a human being. That is the most important job anyone can ever do. It's hard b/c our society doesn't value this hardly at all for some reason, but, again, we are doing The World's Most Important (and at times, what feels like the most difficult) Job.

4:45 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

hello!!! I miss you!! Please post pictures and write something and tell us all that you're doing and all that Katie is doing!!

10:54 AM  
Blogger KidKate said...

Hey, where'd you go?! Drop me a line when you can--I can't find your non-work email address!

11:42 AM  
Blogger KidKate said...

OK, maybe the question isn't WHO are you, but WHERE are you? Hope everything is OK...

9:50 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I'm with kidkate - WHERE are you?! I miss you!!


7:42 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I thought perhaps there would be pictures. A story, certainly, but pictures. I even gave you a day thinking the festivies were certainly abundant, but alas, no pictures. No birthday. No Katie. No Newly.

Come back.

Or email.

But tell me. Show me! I want to know more about you today. And all that this year has been.

7:29 PM  
Blogger KidKate said...

I'm with Amy. What, no pictures? No recap? No heartfelt letter? Do fill us in! Happy first birthday, Buddha Baby!

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Rachel said...

Where are you? I miss your blogging!

12:16 PM  
Blogger Dumas Family said...

I just found your blog...and can completely relate. I felt like my identity was lost too when I quit and became a Stay at Home Mom (can't stomach the abbreviation so I have to spell it out). I don't love housework either but have managed. I am a year in and now worrying that another year away may make it harder for someone to see me as a professional again. I hope things are going well for you! You are your blog!

8:26 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

are you EVER gonna come back???

11:41 PM  
Blogger krystyn said...

hello? anyone there?

12:03 PM  
Blogger your wishcake. said...

Okay, I don't know if you check this any more, but just wanted to let you know that I miss your blogging! You were one of the first bloggers that inspired me to start my own blog. So, I periodically check your blog nowadays to see if you have any more random kitchen mixer stories or baby photos.

I need more baby photos. Especially because your little behbeh is totally in third grade now or something.


Hope you and your family are doing well!

1:51 AM  

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