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Saturday, November 19, 2005

Toilet Humor

Last weekend was busy, this weekend we are going into the city to an art exhibit of dead people (BELIEVE ME, I WILL BE DISCUSSING THAT LATER!) But back to the busy Weekend:

We hung this sign

and fixed this toilet

That is right, I helped fix the toilet. I TOUCHED the toilet people! With my bare hands. I reached right in and fiddled with it and fixed it. Well, we fixed it. It took one and a half hours and we were on the brink of divorce at several points, but we did it.

The fights started in the toilet-part aisle of Home Depot (hereinafter "the evil empire"). Anyone who ownes a home has been through the 4 stages of Home Depot. First is excitement, then comes dependence, then comes hatred, and finally, acceptance. We are finishing up the hatred phase now. We have grown to hate going to home depot. The very nature of a store that you need to go to every. single. damn. weekend. can drive you insane. But I digress.


First we argued over what might be wrong with the toilet. The argument was irrelevant because neither of us knew what was wrong with the toilet, or how to fix it, or what parts would be necessary even if we could pinpoint the problem. Finally, a sales person told us that we needed a $2 flapper. Which we bought.

Then we bought the stuff necessary to hang the sign. Another fight errupted over the need to purchase a level. I (normally very frugal when it comes to stuff I think we don't "need") felt the level was necessary to hang the picture. He (will spend every dime in his possession on the most irrelevant and frivilous things, like ugly leather flip flops he will never wear and never return but cost $50) did not want to purchase a level. It was at this point where it became apparent to me that he did not know how the level really worked or what exact role the level would play in the hanging of the picture. I explained it to him, he (now understanding) agreed with me. Crisis averted.

The next fight ensued when we started to put the brace brackets on the back of the picture and I, using the level, lost my patience with him when I realized that he didn't understand what I wanted him to do and snapped at him. He then lost his patience with me. I told him he was being too sensitive, he told me that I was being mean...and let's just say it degenerated from there.

We regained composure and maintained a tense detente throughout the drill usage, which I explained to him in a patient way through gritted teeth, and to which he listened patiently, through gritted teeth.

When the sign was hung, we adjourned to the deck for a drink of soda and a post fight discussion. The fight was dissected and it was determined that he feels a little insecure at my Bob Villa-like prowess and I am a little offended that it bothers him that his wife is better with power tools than he is. There were several I am sorry's on both sides, alot of hugging and some kisses.


We had such a good talk that we decided to fix the toilet. Dinner plans be damned...this will just take 5 minutes. Well we fixed the flapper, and in the process somehow broke another part of the toilet. After an hour of fiddling and tinkering, and running upstairs to the second floor bathroom to study the working toilet, we determined what the problem was and fixed it.

I have to say, the feeling of fixing something yourself, of figuring it out on your own, with just a pocket knife and your wits...TOTALLY GREAT! I think this whole figuring out how to fix the toilet only serves to further prove the already foregone conclusion that my husband and I could kick ass on Survivor. Once you have faced a toilet, facing Boston Rob is nothing.

Plus, I have almost been able to block out that my bare hand was in the toilet tank. Ewwwwww...

"what's that you ask?...What did we do this weekend?...Oh, well we had a plumbing issue that we had to figure out and fix...oh, it was, no, we don't have any training, just kind of figured it out on instinct" That's just how we roll.


Blogger undercover celebrity said...

Way to go! I completely agree -- I LOVE home fix-it projects.

And, I just have to vent for a moment because I can't on my own blog since Mark reads it -- but we got in a fight last night... ready for this? Over a game. A GAME. This stupid bean farming game -- I know it sounds dumb but it's really fun. It's all about negotiating a deal with the other players.

I'll spare you the details but apparently I made a trade that he didn't like and we spent the next two hours hashing out how I didn't stab him in the back because IT'S JUST A GAME.

I think it's much like your situation -- he had a hard time dealing with not winning -- like it stripped him of a bit of his manhood that I was better. Even though that's hardly a rash conclusion since I only beat him by one point... but whatever. Clearly I'm over it. :)

12:17 PM  
Blogger Newlywife said...

It is almost funny what they choose to get mad at isn't it? Like sometimes, my husband is totally calm and cool in a situation that, were it reversed, I would have imploded over. Then something stupid, like a toilet, or a game, makes them crazy! Will we ever understand them? Do we even have a chance?

2:13 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

You guys remind me of me and my husband. Let's just say that I'm a little more mechanically inclined than he is. But now that we've been together for a while, he knows that for the most part, I'll hang the picture, put together a table and chairs, or attempt to rewire the electrical sockets. But every once in a while, he needs to feel macho, so I'll let him do things like put up wainscotting, fix the toilet, or check the attic for mold. See, I am a good wife, aren't I not?

12:31 AM  
Blogger undercover celebrity said...

So now that Mark and I are on to laughing at our weekend turmoil, I decided it was time to share this post with him.

I think it gave him great comfort to know that my east-coast self, which is what we've taken to calling you, had a similar issue of the male ego. :)

Happy Thanksgiving

8:46 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

the simple fact that you both worked in that small of an area for any length of time is remarkable enough. WELL DONE!!

By the way, glad you all worked out your 'marital' issues!!

10:10 PM  
Blogger undercover celebrity said...

Where have you gone?
Why have you forsaken your blogging friends?
Did the east coast implode without my expressed written permission?

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