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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Me vs. Mixer

My husband doesn't know it. He thinks all is kosher in the house and I don't know how much longer I can keep it from him. It is eating away at my very soul.

I hate the kitchenaid mixer. I mean, I really hate it. I want harm to come to it. I want to explode everytime someone says "oh, those mixers last forever, I've had mine for 20'll get alot of use out of it." My blood actually boils at the thought of looking at that smug machine sitting on our counter for the next 20 years.

But I feign love for the mixer. I act like I am excited to use it. As if I can't wait to find recipes that call for the use of a mixer. I even go so far as to rave about it to coworkers and friends. But really, I want to smash it with a shovel. That mixer represents every fear I have about being a good wife. And so while I originally vowed to beat the mixer at it's own become a mix master if you will, I now just want to kill it. Does anyone know how to burn the motor out on one of these suckers?

My mom came this weekend. It is always stressful to have my parents come visit. Nothing that is their fault really, just hard to have 24 hour guests for the entire weekend. At any rate, in preparation for her coming, I baked Chocolate, peanut butter chip cookies. I used the mixer.


And she did not eat a single cookie.

The point you may ask? This is the point...the mixer is evil. Why? Well pull up a seat and listen closely lest you fall prey to the kitchenaide mixer in its many vibrant colors. Having mastered the cookie making process, people are no longer impressed. It is now common place to have fresh cookies in the house. My husband has taken on a wierd "thanks for the cookies, but what else can you do with that thing?" attitude. And it occurs to me that no matter how many recipes I master, people will always want more from me. It will never be good enough...I will have to keep pushing the envlope further and further.

Good god the pressure. I feel like Britney Spears. What crazy thing does a girl need to do to satiate her audience? AND SO HELP ME GOD AS LONG AS THAT MIXER IS WORKING, I WILL BE EXPECTED TO REINVENT MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Maybe meatballs next...what do you think?


Blogger undercover celebrity said...

This is ABSOLUTELY hilarious. First of all, thanks so much for the link to my blog. If you don't mind, I must add you to my daily/weekly reading (depending on how busy I get). :)

But most importantly, you must make peace with your mixer. Why? Because someday you will need to make homemade whipped cream or "stiff peaks" of egg whites and you will absolutely praise the name of said mixer. the meantime, just claim you're on a diet and that cookies are off the list. Wait a couple of weeks and then move the mixer from the counter to an out-of-reach cabinet. :)

Good luck.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

I got a tip about your site from Undercover Celebrity, and she is right, you are hilarious. I'll definitely be back!

5:26 PM  
Blogger Newlywife said...

Is it wrong that I have no idea why "stiff peaks" of egg whites would be needed. Ever. You have given me new found inspiration to carry on with my battle against the mixer.

That mixer will rue the day I purchased it!

4:00 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I have a kitchenaid and I do love it. I'm one of "those" people. But I relate what you say to the same for a bread machine. I make bread from scratch, the old fashioned way and then along comes these machines and EVERYONE has the smell of fresh baked bread in their homes and all they did was dump some stuff in a machine! Evil, evil evil!!!! YOu will like your machine someday. I especially like it for meatloaf. I don't have to touch the stuff now!

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