The Inevitable Freak Out

So remember in the beginning? Remember the stress I told you I felt about becoming someone's wife? Of course you don't...no one was reading this pitiful little blog back then. I mean it was before I was hugely popular with like, ummm, eight readers.

Holy Crap. I quit my job. I was all "I quit my job for a better gig, a better opportunity" yesterday. Today, I am all "Stop. Back this rig up, I am not ready to change! I hate change. Change is making me want to wet my pants right now."

Okay, breathe deep. No, not you...I'm talking to myself. I am breathing deep. It is a much much better job. The pay alone. The benefits and the type of work are just gravy. This is a no-brainer. Only, if it were just little old me that I had to worry about, I would never change jobs just because of the whole "OH MY GOD, SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING UNKNOWN...RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN FROM THE NEWNESS OF IT ALL!" Which would be totally understandable if I didn't routinely tell my husband "I have to get a new job where they let me do what I want to do, and pay me more."

But its good right? Somehow I have convinced myself that I am doing it for us. For the family that we will one day have. I am taking this job, jumping into the volcano of the great unknown, because I love my husband and want the best for him, and this job will make a difference in our lives.

How good a wife am I?

Oh, the drama. It is in my blood, and I have woven a tapestry of lies.

The truth is, I am taking this job because it is good for me. I will get to do what I love, and the firm is better for me. It's another rung up the ladder. And that husband? If it wasn't for his support and making me feel like I can do anything, and coaching (or coaxing) me through it, I wouldn't have had the courage. So I ask you again...How good of a wife am I?

This is the second time I have changed firms since I started. The first change resulted in my crying every single night for 2 months. And that move, like this one, was a good opportunity for more money at the time. And Now I am leaving that opportunity for another. Change is a bitch, it will bring you to your knees. Or at least make you call your boyfriend 5 times a night to tell him how much you can't bear going to work because all your friends are at your old job, and "MY GOD, I DON'T KNOW ANYONE HERE!"

And I got through it. The job became a place I liked. And the boyfriend...he asked me to marry him 4 days into that job. Now he is my husband, and he is being very supportive, telling me how good I am, how proud he is and he may have mentioned in passing:

"I am not going to go through the crying again. This time around, you get a week, and then its over."

Hence why I am now crying on the internet. SHHHHHHHHHH. Don't tell him.