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Monday, May 29, 2006

Project Baby : Phase I

Being on the cusp of starting to think about maybe possibly trying to start having a baby, is a cautious and confusing time indeed. Phase I for some people may include prenatal vitamins and doctor's appointments. Perhaps the purchase of a basal thermometer.

No, silly people. These things may prepare you for conception. Phase I is more about preparing you for parenthood. Phase I is a contemplative time, a time in which you must determine and examine exactly what you are getting yourselves into. Phase I involves borrowing a toddler for the day and seeing if you have the proverbial mettle to do this thing.

Meet our Phase I: Our only niece. She is cute...and I believe that is one of her weapons. Nay, I know it is. This child can do the pout like no other...or perhaps like all others. The one year old as a species is crafty. This much I have learned.

So we borrowed my sister-in-law's kid. We had not been on the approved list until she turned one. I am thinking now that it may have been more for our safety than hers. But regardless, we are now officially on the approved list and therefore took her for the day. It was mission we accepted voluntarily, requested even.

The plan: Take her to the aquarium, then back to our suburban utopia for a walk downtown for ice cream at the very quaint mom and pop "Gracies". How hard could this be right? Oh, I laugh heartily at my past ignorance.

Babies, they come with baggage. A ton of it. Never let it be said that you have no idea why a soccer mom has to drive a big SUV. Trust me. Gas prices be damned. She needs the storage space. So we were wide eyed and sneaking looks of disbelief to eachother as we loaded up a stroller, pack and play, baby backpack thing, HUGE diaper bag with three changes of clothes and six diapers, three fruit packs, a bottle, goldfish and crackers, a bib, a spoon, several books, a toy piano, baby wipes, some butt cream stuff, a sippy cup of water, an extra pair of socks, and not one but two blankets.

It was an aresenal of baby stuff. As my mother-in-law was packing it, I kept thinking to myself, alright, enough already. I tell you now, that each of these things was used. ALL THREE OUTFITS...The kid needs to be changed more often than Celine Dion.

After $50 on tickets to the aquarium, $7 for parking and $35 for food...her favorite part was the staircase. Yes, you read right. Despite the shark tank and the hippo room, she was enthralled with going up and down the stairs holding on while her aunt on one side and uncle on the other swung her up and down the stairs at least 25 times. The gym is less strenuous.

But we love this kid. Love her like we didn't think we could love someone...I mean, I wouldn't climb the stairs 25 times for anyone else, trust me. And to finally be on the approved list. To have made it to the promised land. It was amazing. We had been on the approved list briefly once before, but had let her fall while we turned our back for a second five minutes after being approved. Needless to say, our privileges were revoked and only now have we begged our way back on.

It was as if this child were the holy grail. We watched intently, were with her every step she took. We could not have been more careful if we were holding $1 million dollars worth of precious crystal. We navigated the danger zone of a crowded aquarium and breathed a sigh of relief upon strapping her into her car seat unscathed for the ride back to our safe, controlled home.

Two minutes after walking in the door of our house, she fell and got the world's biggest egg on her forehead. It was huge, the size of a golfball, and I am not exaggerating. It looked alot worse than it was...she cried for less than a minute. But the evidence was there, and it was undeniable. We would be off the approved list and may never get back on it again.

We took her for ice cream. It seemed to be going down. As we sat and watched her as she slept in her stroller, we discussed that it may not even be noticeable. We might be able to get away with it after all.

Just as we convinced ourselves that the huge black and blue golfball on her head couldn't even be seen with the naked eye, a passerby peered into her carraige to look at how beautiful she was and said:



We did the only thing we could. We brushed her light hair over the bump and prayed no one would notice until we were long gone. And it worked for a while. But eventually we had to come clean. We needed a plan B, quick. Being removed from the approved list was not an option after having spent the day with this angle/devil. Plan B worked out. My in-laws took the fall. They were high enough up on the approved list to take the hit and survive, we were not. Someone had to be sacrificed, and I am happy to report. It wasn't us.

On to Phase II, recovering from Phase I with a 12 hour sleep. Seriously, is it possible to do this on a part time basis? Because this stuff is TIRING!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Total Relaxation

Friday, May 19, 2006


Life is going 100mph. Everything is changing.

After 100 hours of work in the last 10 days, I left my job. No gold watch, but they did take me to lunch.

I got a rueben. It was good.

And now, I am off to Mexico for a week.

And my anniversary grows closer with each day. Only two more weeks and I reveal the blog to my husband!

Only two more weeks and I am no longer a newlywed. Having survived the first year of marraige, I am now just another old married hag...

On to operation baby!

Monday, May 15, 2006

This Can't Be Normal

I was pissy yesterday because it was Mother's Day, and we weren't with my mother, we were with his mother. And it isn't fair that we live so close to his family and not close to mine and I am aware that we chose to live here and that I love it and I know. I KNOW...but it's mother's day and my mom is 350 miles away. Ahem...

On the ride to dinner with his family for Mother's Day, I was cranky due to the above mentioned proximity issues. And so I was cranking out in the passenger seat, and my husband was being very understanding. Telling me it was okay, and normal to feel this way. After about a half hour of crank ass:

Me: Do you ever just want to punch me in the face?

Him: No.

Me: Do you ever want to choke me?

Him: Yes. I do feel like choking you sometimes. But never hitting you.

Me: Do you ever want to push me down on the ground?

Him: Like backwards so your feet fly up over your head?

Me: So you have given this some thought then?

I am starting to miss the newlywed year already......

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Vacation All I Ever Wanted...

My husband is taking me to Mexico! I mean, I planned the whole thing, and picked the place, and got the airline tickets and right at the end he freaked out because it wasn't the vacation he had in mind...but doesn't it sound so much more romantic to say "my husband is taking me to Mexico"?

Well hello there 1950's, glad to see you. Could I borrow an apron?

Last night my husband commented on the terrific timing of the vacation. We will be there for his birthday, our first anniversary (which is the reason we are going) is right around the corner, and it works out perfect for the job change.

Him: The timing of this vacation couldn't be better. Could it? (said as if we are the luckiest bastards in all of the world and the timing was a sheer coincidence)

Me: Yeah, it really all fell into place for us. Imagine that? (trying hard not to point out the obvious fact that I had been planning this for months and had to move heaven and earth to line everything up, including the added stress of working the vacation into negotiating a later start date with the new firm)

Whatever, I'm going to Mexico! Thanks for taking me honey...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Inevitable Freak Out

So remember in the beginning? Remember the stress I told you I felt about becoming someone's wife? Of course you don' one was reading this pitiful little blog back then. I mean it was before I was hugely popular with like, ummm, eight readers.

Holy Crap. I quit my job. I was all "I quit my job for a better gig, a better opportunity" yesterday. Today, I am all "Stop. Back this rig up, I am not ready to change! I hate change. Change is making me want to wet my pants right now."

Okay, breathe deep. No, not you...I'm talking to myself. I am breathing deep. It is a much much better job. The pay alone. The benefits and the type of work are just gravy. This is a no-brainer. Only, if it were just little old me that I had to worry about, I would never change jobs just because of the whole "OH MY GOD, SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING UNKNOWN...RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN FROM THE NEWNESS OF IT ALL!" Which would be totally understandable if I didn't routinely tell my husband "I have to get a new job where they let me do what I want to do, and pay me more."

But its good right? Somehow I have convinced myself that I am doing it for us. For the family that we will one day have. I am taking this job, jumping into the volcano of the great unknown, because I love my husband and want the best for him, and this job will make a difference in our lives.

How good a wife am I?

Oh, the drama. It is in my blood, and I have woven a tapestry of lies.

The truth is, I am taking this job because it is good for me. I will get to do what I love, and the firm is better for me. It's another rung up the ladder. And that husband? If it wasn't for his support and making me feel like I can do anything, and coaching (or coaxing) me through it, I wouldn't have had the courage. So I ask you again...How good of a wife am I?

This is the second time I have changed firms since I started. The first change resulted in my crying every single night for 2 months. And that move, like this one, was a good opportunity for more money at the time. And Now I am leaving that opportunity for another. Change is a bitch, it will bring you to your knees. Or at least make you call your boyfriend 5 times a night to tell him how much you can't bear going to work because all your friends are at your old job, and "MY GOD, I DON'T KNOW ANYONE HERE!"

And I got through it. The job became a place I liked. And the boyfriend...he asked me to marry him 4 days into that job. Now he is my husband, and he is being very supportive, telling me how good I am, how proud he is and he may have mentioned in passing:

"I am not going to go through the crying again. This time around, you get a week, and then its over."

Hence why I am now crying on the internet. SHHHHHHHHHH. Don't tell him.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Workin' "nine to five"

I quit my job today. On Thursday night, I got an offer from another firm, and it was too good to pass up. It was the type of law I wanted to do, for more money and better benefits.

I can't speak for the people at the new firm, although they seemed like a really good group, one I would fit in well with. But the people at my old firm...they were really nice, and it was hard to resign.

I thought about it all weekend. If by "though about it" you mean felt like I was going to be sick, couldn't sleep and had a general state of anxiety. I thought maybe they would throw me out on the spot, get really mad, or at the very least give me the silent treatment. None of that happened. They all said they were sad to see me go, and told me what a great attorney I was. If I am a good attorney it is because of the training I got there...

My boss sent the partner I will be working for at the new firm an email congratulating him on stealing me. It was nice. It felt good. It made me feel like I didn't want to leave...almost.

The thing is, this is a better opportunity for me. And I don't just have me to think about. I have to think about my family (which at the moment includes just me and my husband...but soon hopefully there will be a little one to answer to). So when I got the offer, instead of working through the pros and cons on my own, I worked through it with my husband. It was a little strange to think that someone else would have a say in what you do...that the big life decisions, MY big life decisions, are now OUR big life decisions. I am married. I am beholden! Oh Lord.

Also, I made a great dinner on Sunday, with a side dish...a SIDE DISH people. That is big time. I am officially an adult. Oh Lord.