free web hit counter

Thursday, March 29, 2007

High School Cafeteria

I have lunch lady arms. I am fairly certain pregnancy will make this condition that much worse. Because I will not be giving birth to Baby Butterman (we are starting to call the baby "baby Butterman" and my husband is calling me "tubby Butterman") until around labor day, I am assuming that I will be very hot this summer.

What can I do about covering up my lunch lady arms? Because no one wants to see that. Trust me.

While other mothers to be are concerned about eating healthy and exercising...I am panicked about my flabby Butterman arms. Clearly I have "Mother of the Year 2008" all wrapped up.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Staying Positive

There is alot going on right now. I mean aside from the human being inside my body. Except nothing is ever "aside" from the baby inside is it? I feel like everything that I do, or eat, or feel, or think has an impact on this little person (who, did I mention, is INSIDE MY BODY? And also, did I mention, HOLY CRAP, a PERSON is living inside my body? Not that it freaks me out or anything).

There is something personal going on for me right now. And it permeates every. single. part. of my life. What started out as a situation that upset me about a month and a half ago, has grown into something so huge, that I feel sick about it every day. I don't sleep well, and sometimes I lose my appetite. I don't know if it will ever resolve itself. It doesn't seem like it is going to at this point, but then again, these things always feel like they won't ever resolve and they almost always seem to. But this single issue has made me so sad, for so long, that I can't imagine myself ever really getting over it. And I suppose it is the fact that I may not ever get over it that makes me so sad in the first place.

What specifically is wrong is irrelevant for the baby. I am worried that this little person will somehow sense that something is wrong, that the world is somehow not happy, and in turn will feel a sense of unease. I want this child to feel comfortable, and loved and protected. I don't think a baby should know "unease" or sadness or worry. I never did. What if my constant state of upset and sadness affects the baby, even as it is inside me? I can't help feeling that you can't hide things like this from your children, that they pick up more than we think. What if that starts when the baby is inside you?

And this thought only makes the whole situation worse. So much worse.

I was a happy kid. I was never anxious or worried. I didn't fret over things and never really was overly sensitive. I think because my parents were happy, and never let themselves get too anxious or worried or angry. I was raised to be confident and happy because my parents were confident and happy. I want that to be the case with my child.

My husband is easygoing. He laughs easily and is openly affectionate. He rarely gets angry. We have alot of fun together. Our house is very happy. In general we are both positive people. And I want my child to be like that.

But lately, this problem I am having is such a negative force. And I worry that the negativity impacts the baby. I have to think it does. And GOD, that kills me. I haven't even really started yet, and already I am failing at this motherhood thing. Failing at protecting this baby from the strain of something so upsetting and stressful.

So in the spirit of motherhood, what else can I do except pull it together? My mom would have.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Pregnant, But Still Newlywifed

All your comments from the last post were so WONDERFUL! Thank you, Thank you...I would like to thank all the bloggers out there who supported me in my early days...wait, no one supported me in my early days. Well no matter, now I have a wealth of friends from this whole blogging thing, and it is as if I have hit the powerball (only I can't purchase a trip to Paris or a Volvo SUV with your comments, so not really like Powerball per se)(but if any of you drive an SUV or live in Paris, can you come pick me up and take me home with which case you are exactly like winning powerball!).

So here we are. Together again. What to say? How to start? After the initial splash of good news and welcome backs, now I suppose substance will be required.

I slaved over this blog for a full year as a first anniversary present to my husband and he didn't read it. Can you believe that? Well I showed him! I quit the blog...see if he reads what I don't write once it isn't there to ignore! Or something like that....So, yeah, that didn't really make sense to me either after a while, or ever. And now I am back. With substance. Kind of.

Drumroll please...................
(Jazz Hands) SUBSTANCE (Jazz Hands again)

Yeah. I got nothin.

Does anyone know how much a baby costs? No seriously, just a round figure, nothing I will hold you to. Anyone? Am I going to be able to afford this? And also, we only have one car (for environmental purposes, we are down with Al Gore! And also because I haven't won powerball and can't afford the Volvo SUV or the gas to go in it) am I going to need a second car? I mean do they really take up that much room? All the babies we have seen seem pretty small in person.

And most importantly: how do pregnant women wear pantyhose? Mine keep rolling down my hips and making a break for my knees. This obviously hampers movement, not to mention it makes me uncomfortable (not that pantyhose were comfortable before...).

"What to Expect When You're Expecting" is woefully lacking in the everyday information category. Can you help a Pregger out?!?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Apologies and Explanations

I have been busy lately, creating life. What have you been up to? Oh, posting on your blog? That's nice. I haven't had alot of time what with the whole making of another human being from scratch. So I haven't been keeping up the blog.

Wait, don't leave. I didn't mean to sound defensive! It's the hormones, I swear. Please don't leave me! I am just overcompensating because I have failed so miserably with the blog lately. I am sorry. So truly sorry. I haven't been kind, and I feel bad about it. I will treat you better, just stay, you'll see!

Hey do you have any cookies? I could really go for a cookie right now.

Alright, all kidding aside, I am officially 4 months pregnant today. I haven't written because I can't figure out what to do about the blog. I mean, I am not really newly married anymore, and obviously the topic of "first year of marraige" is stale at this point. But do I rename it? What? What can I do?


Okay, that was easier than I thought. I am back. The first post is the hardest right? I mean, it was awkward there between us for a while, but now I am back, and you are back, and we can move on as if this never happened. From now on, I will keep you updated. You know, on the pregnancy thing. And the marraige thing. And the cookie...where do we stand on that cookie?