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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I Have Seen the Future.....and it freaked me out

When you are pregnant, people with small children love to give you "advice". If by the term "advice" you mean laugh at you and your ignorance of what is in store for you once that baby makes a prison break out of your belly. Usually, this "advice" comes in the form of sharing stories about their children. You know, little 'anecdotes' of how cute they are. Right. And while they are laughing and getting a kick out of the funny story about little Joey and that time he barfed so far it hit the opposite wall of the bathroom, and...(well I don't remember how that story ended because I think I blacked out at how gross it was) you politely laugh along with them the whole time trying not to run screaming out of the building.

Now some people, are genuinely sincere when telling their cute little story. These people tell you how much you will grow accustomed to waking up at 4 in the morning because you sense something is in your room. When you open your eyes, there is a small person standing 2 inches from your face and asking you for a donut. And there you have it: that is parenthood.

These people invevitably end their story by telling you "It's hard, but it is the greatest thing you will ever do" and you can tell they mean that. You can tell by the way they tell you without a trace of anger in their voice, that being woken up at 4 in the morning because you feel a 3 year old's eyes burning into your skull, only to have that 3 year old ask for a donut, is actually the greatest thing in their life.

But then there are those that will tell you some story about how "oh my god, the breastfeeding almost killed me, and he never slept, NEVER...and you are doomed to a life of pain and sleeplessness..." And you listen, waiting for the inevitable ending comment of "but it is so worth it, we love little Johnny" which never comes. It is almost like these people want you to be as miserable as them, and they want that misery to start RIGHT NOW, because they can't even wait another second for that baby to be born so you SEE WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH WITH MY LITTLE MONSTER!

Yeah...what is it with those people? Those people are annoying. Incidentally, these people are the very same people who think it is acceptable to ask when you are due and then act all surprised because GOOD LORD YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WERE DUE YESTERDAY AND ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T HAVING TWINS? OR A 15LB BABY? Ummmm...yeah. So these people really wonder why their kid is such a monster? Apple, Falling, From Tree. It isn't far.

But back to the people who tell you the funny anecdotes...and they are funny...but really? This is going to happen? They get that close to your face and breathe on you to wake you up? And ask for a donut? At 4 in the morning? Because I have to tell you: more than one person has told us a story like this. But they all seem to be happy to tell it, so I am going to go with the flow.

And maybe sleep with one eye open at all times.


Blogger undercover celebrity said...

People are just wierd. Don't worry, your baby will be perfect and cute and won't projectile vomit. I'm sure of it. :)

And now I would like to pass on to you the wisdom that my mom (an aspiring grandmother) told me when I freak out about poorly behaved children: Your kids won't be like that if you don't let them. You're the parent. You have the control.

And Lord knows, I love control. :)That woman knows how to push my buttons. Now I want to have kids just to have someone to boss around. :)

1:06 PM  
Blogger Marcy said...

Maybe they're just so sleep deprived that they think it's adorable. ; )

This post reminds me of the Calvin & Hobbes strip where the mom and dad are talking and one says "Yeah, but aren't you glad we had him?" "Are you?" "I asked you first!" "All I know is I said let's get a puppy, but no YOU said..."

=P I'm sure your baby will be extremely well behaved.

3:51 PM  
Blogger rebcram said...

As a parent, I can tell you that sometimes, your kids will do things that annoy/terrify/anger you (and it is truly surprising how extreme these emotions can be), but it is even more true that the good things WILL outweigh the bad.

Trust me, I was NOT sure I was ready to have kids and haven't ever really been a kid person, but I'm a convert now. The bad things that happen will pale in comparison to the awesome things. I can't think of a parent I know who would disagree.

I know what you mean though, parents who give unsolicited "advice" sometimes need to be told where to go.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Pixiepurls said...

I have 7 weeks to go and I am SO OVER people telling me I look lke I could pop, one co-worker who is a friend of mine, though she's older and never had a baby tells me this EVERY day. EVERY DAY. And every day I say "Thanks that makes me feel SO much better" and yet she STILL says it to me!

Don't they realize when I tell them I have 7 weeks left it means 7 weeks of growing and NO I am not about to pop, wait till ya see my NEXT WEEK, or the WEEK AFTER if you think that now! Drives me insane when the same person says it and then that same day 5 other people say it.

3:35 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

When I was preggers (don't you love comments that start all about ME?) I worked with a woman who delivered her baby girl at 28 weeks. She spent the whole time telling me how to not get stretch marks. ahem. If I delivered at 28 weeks, I doubt I would've had a mark on me! Unfortunately, I delivered at 41 weeks...and I have the road map to prove it!

All I can say about all the parenting stories is that without a shadow of a doubt, I would go back this very moment, into the delivery room, for that delightful accidently all-natural, forceps and all labor and do it all over again.

there are moments when you are certain you could kill your own child if you only didn't have to clean up the blood afterwards, and then there are moments that will take your breath away and you will never.ever. forget them. Ever.

Even when your kid has been away six weeks.

Or maybe just especially then.

end of lengthy rambling comment.

I think. :0)

9:18 PM  
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5:10 AM  

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